At 38, I’m Not Embarrassed To Admit…

I’m not married. Nor do I have kids.

And I’m grateful.

Did I always have this disposition? Let me paint it for you this way: 28 year-old me would absolutely cringe at the thought of a reality of not being married by 30, while 18-year-old me can’t even conceive the possibility of this because, actually, she “plans” to be married by 22. Welp. 😂

It all changed in 2020, the year that changed the world, and the year that changed my life. While the world shut down because of Covid, I had my own shut in with the Lord. I knew what I wanted, but was it what God wanted, for me?

I sat in my apartment for 2 weeks, and something in me completely broke. I realized that I had begun to desire what others desired for me, what society said was the necessary step for me at that point…and because of that, I had subconsciously been holding back from living my life to the fullest because something in my mind had concluded that life couldn’t really begin until I got married. On the outside, I was serving people, building a business, doing my best…but deep down — deep, deep down — I had put my dreams on hold.

God began to unveil purpose on a deeper level, and I realized marriage outside of purpose would be the biggest distraction of my life. There was so much to do! The time that I had feared as being “too late” suddenly was irrelevant, because God was the owner and holder of time. In His hand, all things are made beautiful in His time. There is no such thing as late when He is the orchestrator of it. And I simply couldn’t live life outside of His will, I KNEW that would be the most unfulfilling life ever.

After 30, marriage was no longer the thing I desired the most. Purpose was. God’s desire and will for my life was. With tears in my eyes, I prayed to God to do with me whatever He wished, and no matter how it appeared before people, I didn’t care as long as His perfect will was accomplished. I want to hear God say, “well done good and faithful servant,” even now.

I’ve determined to live the most fulfilled life, and accomplish all that God has desired for me to fulfill in my singlehood, and when marriage comes, that will be the continuation of purpose in a new way. It has been the greatest adventure, and I’ve learned so much about life, about myself, and about God. And I continue to learn every day.

Purpose is happening now. Purpose doesn’t begin with a relationship status. It doesn’t begin because you have children. It doesn’t begin because you got a degree. It doesn’t begin because you attained an accolade or accomplishment that men validate. Desire more, not because you want to compete with people or be “seen” by people. Desire more simply because there is more within you that God planted to offer to the world.

So stop holding back. Purpose began when you were born, when you were sent to this earth. The fact that you are still alive means purpose is continually unfolding. Don’t allow the temporary seasons of life to make you think that your life has no meaning. Seasons are contained within your life, not the other way around. Your life is not contained within seasons. Never forget this.

If you’re a single teen, single in your twenties, thirties, forties, fifties, or older…the age honestly doesn’t matter. Be the best man or woman you can be, useful to the Lord in this time of your life. In His time, He will bring you into the next chapter, and you will recognize that His timing is perfect.

You are already loved. Live like you know it.

BE blessed🌹

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